"If horses were wishes, then beggars would ride..."
Slightly pessimistic, really... and always made me feel like it were almost not permissible to be allowed to make "wishes"... But nevertheless, I make wishes. Often. I wish on fallen eyelashes. And shooting stars. Wishbones. Etc.
I was sat thinking about my wishes today, and really, they're not even that grandiose. They're pretty reasonable wishes. Not greedy. Not too over the top...
So I thought I'd write a wish list...! Now these are non-generalistic, rather "selfish" wishes. Yes of COURSE I wish there wasn't war and starvation and the like... but I'm keeping things personal...
1) I wish I had a suspended bed. You know, like hanging from rope or something from the ceiling... the idea of sleeping without anything underneath you I find strangely appealing. And there's some very pretty ones I've seen out there on the net...
2) I wish the housework was SO much easier... and didn't accumulate so quickly. I'd even go so far as to say "I wish I could afford a cleaner"... I used to have a cleaner, once... It was always so nice coming home to find the mundane stuff done for me. Though these days, with two toddlers, it'd almost prove futile...
3) I wish I lived in a place I actually truly love. I don't like where I live presently. I've seldom lived anywhere that I felt I really loved living. Except perhaps Scotland. Scotland was awesome. And, furthermore, I wish I had a home I loved... my own home. That I could decorate however I wanted.
4) I wish I could budge the last of this weight a lot easier. Having IR & PCOS, makes it really tough... Tougher than for the average non-IR/PCOS person. It's pretty sucky. I wish I didn't have IR/PCOS. I wish I didn't have to take insulin, 'cos it makes me feel shitty... I'd love to be a size 10-12 by my 30th birthday. And I do try... but I still don't have it underwraps. It makes me feel shitty. I've only got about 9-12 more kilos to go before I exceed my initial goal weight. I know it's attainable, but, at the moment, it feels like it'll never happen... And even then, I'd still like to lose another 5-10 beyond that. *sigh*
5) I wish holidays were easier to take more often. I haven't been on a genuine "holiday" as in "going away to a destination, of my choice, for no other reason other than to leisurely enjoy myself and do the relaxing/touristy thing" since October 2008... And even then it was still too short-lived a trip for my liking. And now with two toddlers in toe, the idea of a genuine "holiday" seems an aeon away!
6) I wish I had more family close by... Proximal to me is only my mum and my stepdad, then me and my kids... I rarely get to see extended family, let alone spend time with them... I wish there were more of us, in the one place... We seldom get those occasions/gatherings where there's a whole big happy family atmosphere... People seldom come to visit us because we're not close by... We're not the most close-knit family. Which is kinda sucky...
7) I wish I had more time to do more "just for fun" things... At the moment I'm in that rut of not even being able to keep up with the "day to day" things, let alone have any time for hobbies or "fun stuff". Most of my "spare" time is my evenings, when babies are in bed... which basically confides me to the house. And by the time I decide to "do" something with my "me time", I'm too buggered to bring out the art stuff or the sewing machine anyway...
8) I wish people didn't lie. I've discovered new lies, recently, and it always pains me to think at a time you thought you were giving and receiving truth synchronously, you were actually being deceived. That's a sinking feeling in your guts you can't "unfeel". Being lied to is fucked... Regardless of who by... Even moreso when you care about the person who has lied to you...
9) I wish "exs" completely evaporated once you go your separate ways. Your mind never thinks of them again, they don't crop up in the queue at the shops when you're dressed in your trackies with no make-up, they never cross your mind again, and leave you the heck alone. Same goes for partner's exs. Exs suck. Big time...
10) I wish I had the child-free time and energy to clear out a whole heap of stuff from my house that I really don't need anymore. But it has always, and still does, felt like an impossible, unbearable task. Piles of clothes the kids have outgrown... general shit and stuff we don't need anymore... I promise myself routinely I'll get onto it but then once I start, the task seems so overwhelming I throw my hands in the air and say "Fuck it!" And it never gets dealt with...
So there you go... a mildly self-indulgent wish-a-thon... Some of the things on my list are of course, and probably will of course, eventuate one day... others, probably not... But sometimes it's nice to put it out there... gives the Universe a chance to hear your order ;)
Until next time - I'm looking over a four-leafed clover...
Suzy xx
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