My first "Wordless Wednesday"

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap..." ~ Carrie Snow

(P.S. Mop Hats rock..!)

"Anthea Turner" I am not... (most definitely NOT)

For those of you who don't know, the concept of being "Not So Suzy" sprung from the fact that I'm no perfect housewife (or house mother, seeing as I'm noone's "wife") - a play on words of the term "Suzy Homemaker". I'm genuinely and honestly no good at being on top of things. I have days where I work really hard to get ahead (normally making three times the mess by dragging it all out in the process) and yet always seem to be plateaued at a certain state of clutter - where I know where everything is, but it's definitely not organised.

The picture featured in this post is my living room floor last week, when I was trying to sort out the kids toys! :S This was an exceptionally messy week... but from this extreme to the "normal" extreme, there isn't a great deal of difference... just all the toys are put away. The vacuum cleaner is still always lumped somewhere in the living room. The telephone is always "somewhere.... but I'll have to ring it to find it"! There is always a small pile of "kids clothes they've just taken off", "kids clothes they'll soon be putting on", "kids clothes that I'm not quite sure if they've worn these yet or not, so I spose I'd better wash them again just incase"... And at the end of the day there's always a pair of jeans and undies on my toilet floor - because at the end of the day, when the kids are at last in bed, I finally have a chance to pee (after most likely holding onto it for a few hours) and out of habit I just take them off in there and go directly from the loo to the shower, shower to the bedroom, and put my PJ's on!

I'll be moving house soon, to a much smaller home, and with downgrading home comes time for a clear out. And just thinking about the work that will need to be done in order to move makes my brain weep... There is so much stuff, and so little time with children around to get it all done. Coupled with my brilliant ability to procrastinate, I'm feeling like it's going to be an uphill battle.

You know it's time for change in your house when:

- You seriously consider hiding the dirty dishes in the cupboard quickly before someone comes over, rather than washing the sink full of crockery, cutlery, and endless baby bottles from earlier that day.

- Your children have enough clean clothes to last them about another month despite not doing laundry for a week.

- Your toddler starts mimicking your "bad habits" - like throwing his shoes in the general direction of the shoe pile that inhabits a corner of your lounge-room when he takes them off.

- When asked if you want to catch up for a cuppa, you reply "Sure! Let's go to that new cafe in town, I hear their coffee is GREAT!" rather than save yourself a tenner and have coffee and cake at home.

- You change your dinner plans because a certain pan or pot or implement required to make the meal you intended to make is in the dishes pile mentioned earlier, and you end up having eggs on toast instead.

- You find yourself very painstakingly and dedicatedly applying yourself to the tasks you DO like (sure - there's three piles of kids clothes to be washed in the laundry, but look how my bathroom GLEAMS with blinding cleanliness!) This is one form of procrastination I find myself falling into often...

- You just get completely overwhelmed and say "F*** it!", grab the kids and go out for the day instead.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not particularly lazy. If I was lazy my kids would be in dirty clothes, soggy nappies, have yucky grimy faces and hands, and be unable to walk across the lounge-room floor all together for all the toys and clothes and crap they own. I do detain the mess/clutter, it is organised clutter, and I do spend my day doing quick runs around the house inbetween catering to their basic needs ie. I feed them good food, I stimulate their minds, I give them lots of love and create variety in their day. Maybe my priorities are just slanted more towards giving them a good day than giving them a beautifully presented home.

However I'm prepared to set myself a challenge for going into the new home. At the new house I intend, every week, to invite a friend (or friends) over to my house, for coffee, lunch, dinner, whathaveyou, or even invite people to feel free to just "drop in on us" (exception being of course during the "Cactus Hour" I posted about earlier this week - do so at your own risk at that time, and if you do, no apologies on our behalf for our nakedness or chicken-stuffed noses).

The reason I propose to do this is because the only time I have been able to really keep the house nice and clean has been when it's been out of sheer fear of being judged and mortifyingly embarrassed. For example, when a special friend from out of town is coming to stay, or my very neat sister is holidaying with us, or I have a house inspection, or other kids are going to come over to play. Whilst with some friends, such as my nearest and dearest bestie, I know I can "get away with it", there are some people I would just go hide under a pile of laundry and pretend I wasn't home if they came over to visit...

So feel free, in 3 months time, to come knocking on my door - clutching a copy of this blog entry printed out in your hot little hand - and gleefully tell me "I believe you asked for this!" And by all means feel free to chastise me if you can't see the living room floor, or if I have to wash a mug before offering you a cup of tea!

Eating My Own Words

I remember pre-pregnancy proudly proclaiming all the things I'd never do as a parent. I was adamant I was going to be a really down to earth, chillaxed Mama... I was going to grow my children as naturally as possible and protect their lives from any physical or emotional toxicity. I was not going to give in to all the "cop-outs" I thought would make me a "lesser parent"... Instead, here are all the things I recall saying, pre-children, what I would never do as a parent:

1) Use a Dummy - "I can't stand kids standing there with a dummy hanging out of their face and you can't hear what they're saying because they've got their mouth full of plastic"... This rule was broken when Tyler was just 3 days old and still in the hospital. After comfort-sucking for 36 hours straight, the nurses themselves actually suggested I use a dummy with him. And so we did. However he was quite picky about the type of dummy he'd use. After his Granny had spent about forty-odd bucks on a selection of whizz-bang fancy dummies, Tyler finally resigned to taking a natural rubber latex dummy the size of his head, making him look even more ridiculous than all the dummy-using kids I'd sworn my kid would not turn out to be!

2) Bottle-feed - "I'll breast feed my kids til they're at least 1, even 2 years old. It's better for them!" Turns out sometimes, you don't have much of a choice. In Tyler's case, bottle-feeding was actually better for him than breast-feeding. When breastfeeding, he was actually starving! Unbeknownst to myself and my medical carers, I was suffering from a nasty uterine infection after giving birth. The problem didn't present itself 'til I had a massive delayed post-partum haemmorhage 6 and a half weeks after I'd had him. In turn, my body was tricked into thinking it was still pregnant, from all the material still inside my uterus. And when you're body thinks it's still pregnant, you don't produce nearly enough milk. At 6 weeks Tyler was diagnosed with "failure to thrive", we were sent to Torrens House for feeding issues (all of which were then written off once we discovered the failure was actually in my body's lacking the ability to make quality milk, in sufficient quantity).

Poor Tyler took 7 weeks to surpass his birthweight. He was a skinny little runt of a child and his saving grace was using a Supply Line for 5 weeks. But by the end of 5 weeks, he was receiving only 25% breast-milk and 75% formula, so we called it a day. Nastily enough, the same issue occurred post-partum with Maya (2 and a half weeks after delivery) and my supply was compromised similarly to how it was with Tyler (The photo is first of Tyler after 6 weeks of breastfeeding, compared to Tyler after just 2 weeks of formula-feeding).

3) Let my kids watch much TV (or even worse, get "into" certain shows / TV characters) - I always hated shows like The Teletubbies, In the Night Garden, Pingu, and other shows which "doesn't use real words and the characters all walk around doing nothing but

make stupid noises". I won't say at all that I've changed my stance on that. I do still hate these types of shows, however of course I've given in and let my son watch them... ITNG has become a part of his nightly routine - he knows when they go to bed, he goes to bed. His all time favourite show is "The WotWots" - and he has the talking toys, the push-a-longs, the Tufly Flufties Headband, the mix and make drawing board, the playdough set, and the Funveritable! He's most likely going to have a WotWot birthday cake this year... He stops dead in his tracks when he hears the theme-song, he dresses them in disposable nappies, and he takes his blue SpottyWot everywhere...

4) Feed my babies baby-food from a jar - "It's full of preservatives and crap! I will only feed them stuff I've made myself..." Now for the most part, I was pretty diligent with this conviction. Tyler's first food was pureed zucchini I'd made myself, and for many months I did only feed him stuff I'd made myself.

But once he got to the age where he was walking about and putting anything and everything in his mouth, I threw caution to the wind and he ate tinned/jarred baby-foods. At the end of the day, they really are sometimes more convenient, and they appear to have done no harm. I am still pretty harsh on what I do and don't let him have though (he's not allowed lollies, chips, juice, chocolate - except on the very, very rare occasion where he bugs me for some of mine, strange how an almost 2 year old delights in Lindt dark chocolate with chilli!) and he generally does still eat home-prepared meals. He's had McDonalds twice (and to be fair, wasn't too keen on it anyway!) Maya will start weaning soon and being the second child, who knows how lax I'll be in my approach this time!

5) Use a "baby leash" - I always pitied the poor children in harnesses. I hated seeing how their mother would be on one side of a shopping aisle, and when she suddenly darted off with the trolley, her toddler would be yanked around a 90 degree corner and pulled along behind her. I always thought they were pretty demeaning and swore I would never use one. I'll admit, however, that once a month when I go to do my "big shop", Tyler gets put in one. Namely because it allows him to walk along side me, whilst I carry Maya in the sling, then put them both in a trolley when we get to the supermarket 10 minutes walk down the road. But still, I swore I never would. I even joked about it with friends.

And to this list, you can also add smacking (less than 10 times in total over a nappied-bum, but still, swore I never would), sleep in my bed (Maya co-slept for the first 8 weeks of her life constantly), use antibiotics (10 constant months of ear-infections with Tyler quenched that idea), letting them have too many toys, getting hung up about kids clothing brands, go on about my kids all the time on the phone / Facebook / over coffee with friends, licking a tissue to clean their faces, buy them food at the supermarket just to shut them up, and curse infront of the children (am getting much better at that one since Tyler's quite an adept parrot these days!)

Then again, I always said I'd never have a messy house or wear unironed clothing, either...! Kids. Gotta love the impact they have on us...

Cactus Hour (or why it's best not to call or visit between 5:30pm and 7:30pm)

Predictable children means predictable hours in our household. And even if the other "bits" throughout the day might alter slightly, there is always, without fail, a certain time of day that does not change from one day to the next. That's the 5:30pm to 7:30pm shift. Fellow parents will know what I'm talking about straight away and possibly don't have to proceed to read anymore of this post, just give us a big "I hear 'ya, Mama!" in your head and roll on to get on with yours (How are you even reading this right now anyway?!) Non-parents on the other hand sometimes don't really understand the hullabaloo that goes on during this time and probably (to some extent) think we're all just hangin' out, chillaxin', winding down from our day... Oh no, dear childless compadres. This is when the big guns just begin...

In our household, Tyler starts demanding dinner bang on 5:29pm. If I've had a good daytime run earlier, that's no worry - it's in the fridge/saucepan/slowcooker (or on not so good days - tin!) and ready to go. At 5:31pm you realise you've accidently over-zapped his dinner by an extra minute in the microwave as he's merrily pushing buttons calling out "BEEP! BEEP!" on the microwave whilst you were tending to the huge spew the baby just threw across the room... At 5:32, Tyler's on the edge of tears because 1) he's tired - a whole day is a big day when you're not even 2 years old yet, and 2) because he's seen dinner and still doesn't understand the concept of "you'll have to wait for it to cool down now". Meanwhile the baby has proceeded to join in the howling because she's now starving after purging her earlier milk-feed. In unison, the two overly tired kids wail and whine til you shove something in their mouth. And then they're both happy.

Bathtime consists of us all having a bath (self included) - me to hold the baby, and toddler because seriously, if me and the baby are bathing he might as well be in there too, else God only knows what he'd get up to if we left him unsupervised with us submerged in water and unable to go running to a different area of the house should something fall down / smash / set on fire. So it's an all in bathroom affair. We then proceed to all walk towelled but naked through to the lounge room (reason 1 as to why it's best to let me know before "dropping in" at this time of evening - else you might think we're one of those weird families who just all hang out naked together all the time...!) and infront of the heater I dress Maya, then Tyler, then myself.

Then the little blue minion (thou shalt be named "Iggle Piggle") emerges from his hell-hole to indicate to the toddler that it's almost bed time. He starts winding down, whilst baby is just gearing up. She has a big active play with me whilst Tyler lounges on the sofa (the entire sofa that is - paying particular attention to whichever end of it I myself might want to sit on, and very indiscretely shoving me away should I try and share it). So baby and I end up on the floor until the "good night" song plays and Tyler toddles off to bed, Maya then starts to get grizzly, has a bottle, and goes to bed too - on a good night all before the end of the "Spicks & Specks" opening theme song (I don't watch much television, but this is the one show that, if possible, I will watch every night)... (*edit: though apparently not tonight - for some reason we're not receiving ABC TV signal tonight! :S )

So therefore, should you, or a telemarketer, or a charity seller, appointment setter, door to door sales person, census surveyor or whomever, call or approach the house between these hours, I do not apologise at all for what you may bear witness to... My son may be shoving chicken up his nose. Or my nose even... My daughter may resemble a purely milk-fed exorcist... I may be naked. They may be naked. There may even be naked running after each other involved. I may be a bit more edgy / bit less friendly - but not because I don't like you. Just because you have poor timing. It's called Cactus Hour because it's the kind of time you'd rather spend crawling through a field full of cacti naked than to have to deal with. The kids give you the shits during cactus hour, no matter how lovely and affectionate and gorgeous they are, cactus hour is just all round prickly and nasty for everyone involved. So "please - leave a message after the tone" *beeeeeeeeeep*

No one is a "follower" in this household...

So today I took the kids, and their Grandpa, to the "Playschool Concert". Families turned out in droves to see a famous duo of the well-know TV presenters and eagerly sat in anticipation for the singing and dancing to commence. As soon as we arrived to line-up, my suspicions about Tyler's interest in going started to emerge... Whilst all the other children cheerfully lined up with their parents, my son was busy trying to inspect a man-hole cover in the ground, and drag his Pa along to wander around the grounds with him. We got inside and found some seats for Pa and Maya, and I (trying to instill some sense of enthusiasm in Tyler) took him down onto the floor in front of the stage - awesome seats - second row, dead centre, every Playschool Fan's dream.

Within 5 minutes, Tyler started wailing and tears streamed down his face. Now to put some perspective on things - Tyler seldom cries, is generally a very happy, content little man. He is also not a "naughty" child - he seldom does anything bratty or rude, and has a very good routine at home which he follows to a T... For a child who is so clock-work and so routine (and that's his doing, not mine... I'm pretty erratic whereas both my kids are uber-routine kids!) Yet being forced to sit on my lap whilst we waited 10 minutes was enough to crack him. He howled the place down until I eventually distracted him ("Look at the lights! Look at the balloons! Look at the bubbles (Christmas decorations conveniently left hanging up in the Greek Hall!)" and so on...) Then the presenters came out and Tyler became excited... for all of about 5 minutes. He danced to the first song, then adamantly turned around to me, looked me straight in the eye, and said "No more, Mama... bye bye!"

"DUCKS ACHE!" I exclaimed (there's a new one for you learning to curse around toddlers!) $45, an hour's round trip, plus all the effort of getting Pa to come over, lug 2 kids and all the crap that comes with them into my car, and all for 5 minutes of sheer joy which in a heart-beat my son then dictated he'd had enough of it. We tried for another 15 minutes to get him involved and interested, but after that time he found a balloon, and merrily headed towards the door ready to leave. So we left.

It made me discuss with my dad about how Tyler seems to be a bit of a non-conformist when it comes to participating in groups / team activities, or going along with what everyone else is doing. Funnily, when I was a child my school report cards would denote similar traits, using descriptors like "Emma is very capable and bright, yet needs to learn to apply herself in groups. If she does so she can achieve anything" and "Emma is often distracted and likes to dictate what she is doing rather than follow along with the other children in group activities". Teachers would report (as would I myself, back to my mother) that I would often be bored with activities and would yearn to be extended or given individual tasks unique just to me.

Now I'll be real. I know he's only 23 months old. But when I see other children at playgroup go along with the group activities with ease (ie. story-time - children much younger than Tyler will grab their cushion, sit down quietly and listen to the story and participate in songs) or at our Movement to Music class (worst experience ever! Tyler wouldn't stay and participate with the group, instead he made it his mission to explore every nook of the church it's held in, including the pastor's quarters!) it makes me wonder why on earth he won't just do what everyone else is doing. His play-time is very similar at home - you can't direct him as to what to do or how to play, he dictates his method and mode...

It makes me consider exploring other options for him when it comes to education. Whilst I know he eventually has to learn how to conform with everyone else (face it mate, it's a part of life) I sometimes wonder whether I should satiate this appetite for freedom, self-direction and non-conformism by giving him options-based learning (like Homeschooling... or Steiner Schooling). Unfortunately, our schooling options are limited in my home-town. It's a choice between the local government primary school (where my mother also works), the regimented Catholic private school, or home-schooling. We don't have anything like the Waldorf based systems here, and if I was adamant about sending my children to such a school, we'd be forced to move to the City. Homeschooling on the otherhand would mean I wouldn't be able to work full-time once I'm post-grad. These are all issues far too ahead in the future to worry about now, but it does make me want to consider my options thoroughly before thrusting my kids into an institution which may not "work" for them.

Love to hear other people's stories on raising "non-conformist" children, or who participate in "alternative" education. Feel free to contact me / comment / write on our Facebook Page (Not So Suzy on Facebook)!

Bier Mit Bebe...

So last night I indulged in a few beers with friends at the pub - something I've not done in a long, long while (considering I spent 18 out of 27 months pregnant, it kinda goes without saying!) I wasn't planning it, but I figured it wasn't too bad an evening weather wise, I had a rain-cover and plenty of warm clothes for her should it turn nasty, and was prepared that should I have to go for any reason, I'd just leg it and go...

I figured Maya is 5 and a half months old now, and relatively predictable, hence I should be able to cope with a couple of beers under my belt. Of course I was sensible - did not leave myself obliterated and unable to deal with an emergency in the night should it arise. But regardless of my self-control and moderation, I still felt guilty!

Why on earth should I feel guilty about having a couple of drinks? Do other mums feel this way when they have a tipple around their tots? I know plenty of households where the children have grown up amongst dinner parties where the wine flows freely and the parents wake up to toddlers shoving playdough up their nose mid-hangover. And those children turned out just fine! I don't know where my guilt stemmed from, but whilst I held a beer in one hand, and gently watched Maya with the other, I just felt BAD.

Something I'm working through on a personal level at the moment is "permission". Permission to do my own thing occasionally. Perhaps this itself is an issue of permission, too. I've recently started putting Maya down in the bedroom for naps and when she goes to bed at night, rather than letting her nap out in the lounge-room with me by her side during the daytime and early evenings. That way I feel like I have permission to do my own shebang, knowing she's getting as good a sleep alone as she would be if I were watching her.

On the plus side, despite the guilt, I had an enjoyable evening. It was nice to indulge in some cheery pub banter with adult people in contrast to the baby-babble I speak all day long to my 2 under 2... and nice to see some faces I'd not seen in a while.

I think that alone makes it worth it. I'd love to hear how other parents go about ensuring their own social lives are feeling fulfilled and even whether they feel it's right/wrong to indulge in the occasional revelry. Hence comments on this topic are more than welcome - in fact, I look forward to them :)

Get me a bucket!

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it."
— Eckhart Tolle

So my son was "sick" sick for the first time ever last night. He's always been pretty resilient to stomach-bugs, and has never thrown up (besides baby possetting) until late yesterday evening. Poor thing is a tactile baby, hence the most upsetting thing for him was not the feeling unwell (post-sick he proceeded to run around and keep playing with his toys) - it was the fact he'd got himself wet and messy. He's not a great coper with having dirty clothes, messy hands, or being wet. Something as simple as a piece of sticky-tape stuck to the bottom of his sock is enough to make him get semi-frantic, so 8 rounds of throwing up all over himself was disastrous for the poor little mite.

I've learnt I'm relatively good at dealing with it. Probably my nursing background helps - I deal with it as I would a patient or client on the job. Keep my composure, get everything cleaned up, and the sick itself doesn't really seem to affect me at the time. So the experience has taught me I can be pretty low-key about it all, which I think helped Tyler bounce back from it too. But at the same time, I do talk about it to other people. I rang my mum and dad several times throughout, and recollected the account to a best friend, and look - I'm even blogging about it!

However in contrast, I don't cope with being sick myself well AT all... Tyler's upset tummy was clearly viral, and no amount of nitrile glove wearing, hand sanitiser rubbing, Canasten hygienic laundry washing was going to stop me picking it up too. So lo and behold, at 3:30am I woke up feeling foul and intensely thirsty. I walked out to the kitchen to get a drink and needed to lay down on the floor feeling faint. Within minutes I found myself being sick into my favourite decorative vase-bowl (only thing within my reach!) and sobbed wishing someone would come along and look after me. Yep, I'm a real sook...

However what I wasn't expecting was how AMAZING I felt afterwards! I felt like I had purged a nasty demon from my body! I felt fantastic. Cleansed and renewed. I cleaned up, went back to bed, slept a happy 4 more hours and woke up feeling invigorated.

The process I went through made me refer to Eckhart Tolle's teachings about "the pain body" and how its presence and manifestation can be felt through various channels, such as sadness, anger, and even physical pain and illness. Tolle surmises that a negative energy can occupy our bodies and mind, it's a collective of negative emotions hung onto from past experience (whether that be recent past or deep past). We can consider the "pain body" to be parasitic to our emotions and feelings which as a result can manifest in physical states also. The "pain body" within us likes to feed and thrives on negativity, and can cause us to find ourselves in negative states or situations which nurture this "pain body", and will gain strength through the expression of this negativity (ie. will relish in your physical pain, your illness, your ire or your despair).

In retrospect of last night's experience, I could associate the "food" my pain-body was thriving off as being the stress that was created from the situation I was in with my son, and the drama I chose to create surrounding it. As much as I dealt with the tangible/physical aspects of Tyler's illness easily, I succumbed to making some fuss over the ordeal through talking to friends/family about it. I could have not done so, and the situation would still have been physically dealt with, but without the emotional/stressy drama I unnecessarily created about it. So then, when I found myself feeling sick and woeful, it was like I was purging myself of what had created. And instead of giving in to the pain-body, feeding it further by letting me feel upset and dreary about being sick myself, I consciously chose to let it go and felt the goodness from it instead.

This may all sound nuts - and a lot to be said about what essentially just boils down to my son having a tummy bug and me contracting it to - however I'm using it as an example to create some awareness of the pain-body concept, as I recommend more people look into the concept and take from it anything they can. Further reading can be found here: The pain body by Eckhart Tolle

It's definitely a good thing to be aware of the negative energies that exist within us and manifest itself through emotions and physical states, as once the presence of the pain-body/negativity is acknowledged, learning to not give into it is easier attained. I'm very grateful to the person who first introduced me to the concept, and I know they are further grateful to the person who taught it to them... If only one of you takes something from this post, then that's a good thing :)

Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" can be followed via Oprah's Website (I'm not generally a huge Oprah fan, aside from the fact that I love her production company is called "Harpo" which is "Oprah" spelt backwards...! :P) however on her website there's a few activities and exercises which can be carried out whilst reading the book. I've not been reading the book for long, but I do think there is some benefit to the exercises on her site, so I'll include the link to that as well: A New Earth: Exercises for Your Awakening - Oprah.com.

Peace out - I'm off to enjoy my day :)

F***book...!

I think I'm not alone when I say, Facebook has become an overwhelming presence in our lives. Nowadays, a "relationship" between two people is then taken seriously once it's pronounced "Facebook Official"... We have "friends" on Facebook, yet we don't even speak to them when we pass them in the street of our local towns. We have people who are, in essence, total strangers, yet we have them on Facebook as we share similar lifestyles, or interests, or are just likeminded in general. It's a fickle, funny place isn't it? Can you remember what life was like before it? The days when you weren't mentally planning your next witty status in your head, or announcing something funny your child did that day, or reading about what the girl who sat behind you in 8th Grade English class was now doing with her life?

I tried a few months back to go a week without Facebook. I lasted a lowly 3 days before it got the better of me, and I reactivated my account. Yet I am starting to find it a great sap of my time, however for now I feel that I do rely on my Facebook and need it for a few reasons.

First of all, I'm using it to share my blog to a wider audience (Kudos to you, lovely readers!) If I didn't have Facebook, I'd be writing to only a very scarce amount of readers (perhaps even only myself!) and really - it's the idea of having my blog read that really motivates me to write it.

Second of all, I love the networking I do on there. I have my "crafty friends" whom I share a passion for sewing, art and crocheting and the like with. I have my "nappy friends" - whom generally more often than not tend to share similar parenting values, environmental values and some aspects of the craftiness angles like myself also. I have some friends I do see "in real life" whom we also interact over Facebook too, and I have my "far away friends" whom I have collected throughout the "gypsy years" I mentioned in a previous blog post.

If I was to remove Facebook from my life at this stage, I think I would feel too strongly the need for social interaction, acknowledgement, and praise that it currently produces for me. I've done a great deal of writing by a philosopher called Abraham H. Maslow - Abraham Maslow - who breaks down in an understandable manner the hierarchy of our needs as human beings. His theory essentially states that we have tiers of needs, and that once each need tier is being met, the tier above it is the need that is felt ie. so long as one of our need categories is being met, we are not conscious or aware of the need existing as its being satiated, and hence the next need in the hierarchy stands out more and we feel it amplified.

For me, my circumstances are as such: My physiological and safety needs are being adequately met with ease. I am fed, I am clothed, I am warm, I am sheltered... I do not feel like I am at risk of losing my house, my lifestyle, my possessions. I am comfortable living within my means financially, and I feel like I am providing appropriately for my children.

So for me, the next 2 tiers are the needs I feel the strongest: my "belonging" needs, and my "esteem" needs. This is where I feel Facebook is contributing to fulfilling these needs.

The networks I am a part of on Facebook are in the forms of "online communities" or "groups/pages" - where I feel I can be a part of likeminded people. I take comfort in sharing advice, reading other people's experiences, taking and giving along the way. In my "real life", however, I am not very active in social circles, organisations or groups. I attend our local playgroup once a week, and will occasionally meet up with a friend or 2 during the week or at a weekend, but that's about it. Some days the extent of my social interaction outside my children is a phonecall to my parents and/or a friend, or even so little as a brief chat with the lady at the post office when I collect my mail.

The other need I feel Facebook is aiding to fulfil at the moment is the esteem need. I get a sense of pride, or accomplishment, even an air of respect, out of being acknowledged on Facebook. We all feel a little bit chuffed when people "like" our status, or comment on how nice a profile picture is, or agree with the sentiment a post we make may have. I feel confident in my presence on Facebook. I feel capable, and learned, and feel warmth when I am able to help someone, or make someone smile, or simply entertain them with a witty quip.

So here I consider - where would I be without my Facebook? How would I replicate what I am getting out of it into my "real life". One of the pros Facebook has going for it is its convenience factor. I can fit a brief 5-10 minute "whip around Facebook" in between feeds, or nappy changes, or playtimes, or housework. I can't whisk down to a local art class in dribs and drabs, or have a 5 minute chat and chuckle with a friend who is actually at work. Also coming from a semi-rural area, there isn't a heck of a lot of community groups or circles I could become a part of, especially those that accommodate the 2 children I would have to drag along with me.

However I have decided I am going to try to fill these social voids with real life rather than web-based content. I am discussing starting a craft circle with local friends. I intend on finding out more about what is out there in my local area, and if there's not something where I think there might be a calling for it - I might even be super pro-active and start something myself! Because the price you pay for the enjoyment you get out of your Facebook is all the mindless, stupidifying, unnecessary "crap" that comes with it. And I'm not sure if that trade-off is worth it anymore.

If I do end up finding myself in a place where the real life, living, breathing world meets the needs I currently use Facebook as a crutch for, I can see myself eventually closing my Facebook account and becoming a much more involved and "present" person. However if I did so prematurely, I can also see my needs resulting in a greater deficit and thus my feeling - yearning - to have these needs filled all the moreso. So for now, as much as Facebook frustrates me, annoys me, and wastes so much of my time - I'm sticking around!

And on that note - Goodnight, Dear Face-Spacers and Bloggy-Buddies :)

"Mister Lover-Lover"

My son is nearly 2 now, and after always being a very "independent", stand-offish (happy but never one for cuddles & kisses) he has reached that age where they want to be with you / on you / next to you / touching you, throughout every waking hour. He's going through a "romance with mum" stage. He tells me "Love you, Mama" and proceeds to give me kisses. Or hugs. Or climbs over my shoulder, pulling my hair out on the way. Or jumps on my belly (really hard!) if I'm laying on the floor. Or bites my toes and says "tickle tickle tickle" (yes - that part is gross. But kids are gross sometimes!) Or buries his head into my BUM when I'm trying to make tea, or a bottle for Maya, or do the dishes...

He hasn't been whingey and whiney with this clinginess, but after finally getting my body "back to myself" after stopping breastfeeding Maya, I now feel like he's filled that space again and he is constantly on me. I find myself saying phrases I never thought I would (For example - "Please don't lick mummy!") And he's fascinated with watching me shower, or even worse... he has to come into the loo when I need to go. I can't even "go in peace"!

It's quite an adjustment after having a baby that didn't like to be held or cuddled for such a long time, to suddenly be so intensely affectionate. This morning he even fell asleep on my chest - something he hasn't done since he was less than 1 year old (and even then, he'd only do it when he was sick). Having not had a 2+ year old myself before, I'm not sure how long this phase of uber-loving will last... Knowing my luck, he'll probably stop just as Miss Maya starts! But at the same time, it's lovely. This new-found affection for those around him means I get to witness him being super-sweet to his little sister. There's nothing so beautiful as watching him walk up to her spontaneously and telling her "Love you May-May!" (almost as sweet was when he did this at Daycare the other day, then proceeded to also say "Love You" and kiss another lady's baby!)

Oh well. Despite it being a bit counter-productive to my day, all this lovin' can't be bad for us... After all, "all you need is love" :)