"In an Ideal World"

I often (maybe too often) use the phrase "Yes, well in an ideal world..."

And following the big move into our new house last week, and taking some time to reflect upon the huge cornucopia of life events that have been thrown our way over the past few years, I found myself mentally listing scenarios which, had the world been "an ideal world", would infact make life oh so much easier and/or enjoyable... The things that are maybe a little bit suboptimal that a magic wand would be lovely to wave at! So I figured "if I've thunk it, I may as well blog it!" So here it is. My list of how things would be in an ideal world:

In an ideal world....

- Kids wouldn't be struck down by illness. Ever. And at the very least, if they did, they wouldn't be messy in the way they go about it... In the past 48 hours I've done four bedsheet rotations (including my own) after puke expolsions and have disinfected poop off my kitchen floor whilst my eldest has a virus

- Instead of having random tantrums, toddlers would just sporadically and publically do something very endearing... like a little tap-dance... or sweetly sing a cute song. And instead of people standing watching you in pity like they do at tantrums, they'd form a circle around the child and give them a huge round of applause!

- A money tree would be flourishing in our back garden

- When it comes to the overwhelmingly single aspect of single motherhood, I have just 3 words... "More Sexy Time!"

- Kids would be absolutely captivated by watching mummy's favourite TV shows. "Oh GOODIE!" the 2 year old would cry! "I've been DYING to watch the new episode of Q.I. Mama!"

- Babies would come fitted with stylish septic tanks that require emptying once a year, rather than needing up to 10 nappy changes a day...

- It would only take 5 minutes to get the whole family to leave the house... and of course, on the days you positively HAVE to be somewhere, it takes an even shorter amount of time!

- Cars do not get sick. And when they do, mechanic's accept payment in the form of limericks instead of cash!

- Houses would be self-cleaning (no explanation necessary)

- Robots would stylishly dress everybody and do our hair etc. (particularly MY hair and makeup) every morning before we left the house...

- Days in general would be longer, and the time it takes to do stuff shorter.

- Mummies would get 10 hours straight sleep a night

- Kids would find the idea of pulling tupperware out of cupboards hideous, and avoid doing so at all costs!

- Everything I need to learn to finish my degree, I could absorb in my sleep!

- Kids shoes would be adjustable, to keep up with their alarming foot growth.

- Or better yet, things like gravel would be soft - so we don't even have to wear shoes - EVER! :D

.... and of course, many many more - you get the drift...

So... tell me... what things would your ideal world entail??

Peace out x

Our Blank Canvas (or how "We may not always end up where we thought we were going, but we will always end up where we were meant to be...")

My own mother has always, throughout the years, reminded me of a saying she used to tell me as a child:

"You have your brush, you have your colours; you paint paradise, then you go in" (Nikos Kazantzakis)

Tomorrow we receive a "blank canvas" in the shape of a lovely new home... In it, we'll start a new chapter of our lives for me & my little family. What is currently an empty house, we will turn into a home - full of light, and warmth, grace and love...

Moving house was never of paramount importance before I had my babies. It was a roof over your head - somewhere to sleep at night after work. I've never been big on decorating, furnishing, etc. but when you have children, your attitude towards your home shifts - and you feel a desire to make it fun and happy for them.

That's my favourite part of moving. Decorating the kids' rooms and making it special for them. And, for the first time ever, I've started collecting "nice" or "grown-up" furniture pieces for myself - a few custom-made restoration pieces and lovely, solid good quality furniture. Bit by bit I'm phasing out all the flotsam and jetsam I inherited from various family members and friends upon returning from living overseas, and replacing them with "quality" items. I'm caring more about nice ornaments and things to accent the home with, but less about clutter...

It's also a place I have big plans for in terms of myself as a person. It's a new town, so I'll be challenged to meet new people and make new friends - which of course means putting yourself out there and being open to new friendships, and seeking social interaction. I've been diligent in finding out about the local playgroups and kindergyms for the kids, but also things that are of interest to me too - like where to source great fabrics for sewing, and when art groups meet, where the local library is, etc.

Furthermore the new house is quite interesting in terms of numerology (yes - "hippy shit" moment alert!) We are moving into a "13" house... which at a basic numerological level, is reduced to a "4" (1+3). "4 houses" are renowned for their consistency / steadfast traits. "People who live in a 4 house will find it easier to be steady, loyal, well respected, and grounded. This is a great home for planting your roots---and seeding your dreams." Which, if you've been following my blog, is exactly what I've felt like I've been seeking for years and years on end. So that's great. Hurray for that...

However on the other side of this house being a "13 house" is the fact that "13 houses" are considered to be "karmic debt number" houses... houses in which you must repay previous karmic debts which have been accruing in the previous houses you've lived in. In some circumstances, it's considered best to avoid a "karmic debt" household - however, if you feel like you're looking to overcome or conquer certain habits, a karmic debt number house can be a good tool for doing so!

"13 houses" are supposed to whip into shape those of us who don't apply ourselves effectively... For all the faffing about we've done over the past years (sound like anyone you know??) Explained further:

"The key to succeeding wit the 13 is focus. Very often, people with the 13 Karmic Debt do not concentrate or direct their energies in one specific direction, or on a single task, but scatter their energies over many projects and jobs, none of which amount to very much. A temptation wit the 13 is to take shortcuts for quick success. Too often, that easy success doesn't come, causing regret and the desire to give up. The result is a poor self-image, and the belief that one is incapable of amounting to very much.

In order to focus, you must maintain order in your life. Order is essential to success. You must maintain a schedule, keep appointments, and follow through. Keep your environment neat and under control, and never procrastinate. If you sustain a steady and consistent effort, you will realize much reward."

So I'm embracing this aspect of the new house. It's all about being organised, being focussed, being diligent to my work, keeping ontop of the housework, the kids, etc. Keeping up with my studies, finding time for my work commitments, and ensuring I get a good dose of "me time" outwith all that - to sew, to crochet, to play my guitar, paint artwork, read Frankie mags, and do all the things I love :)

So in honoring our new home - our new canvas - our new space: I intend on quite literally, taking my brush, and my colours, and painting a canvas especially to capture the essence of us as a family entering this new chapter of our lives, invoked by those special words my mother told me all those years ago, encapsulating this new attitude and outlook we will harness and enjoy together... It will hang on the wall, in our new home, as a colourful reminder of what this new chapter means to us. To symbolise our togetherness, and remind us that this is the path we are meant to be on - and what we choose to do with it, is up to us.

I said to a friend only very recently, when reflecting upon the twists and turns that have led us up to this very point - all the unexpected surprises that have cropped up over the last few years, and the relatively disturbing upheavals and drama, that despite all the chaos - that chaos was important. As the chaos got us to this point. Here. Right now. And tomorrow - tomorrow where we turn a page.

If there's one thing I've learn in the past few years it's this:

"We may not always end up where we thought we were going, but we will always end up where we were meant to be..."

and so, as it happens, tomorrow we are meant to be stepping foot into our new lives. How lovely to be given the chance to embrace that...

'til next time - peace, love and mung-beans x

A lesson in humility, grace & being allowed to ask for help

Us single mums do like to think we do a pretty good job. That we've got it all together. To me, it doesn't even seem "hard" most days. My team rocks! We have an awesome routine, and my children are endearing and make it easy. Considering the mother they spawned from (and how "fly by the seat of my pants" I am, I have surprisingly content, chilled out, easy going babies who run like clock-work...

The kids are, in fact, the easy part to "keep together". I manage parenting well. Very well if you ask my friends - well if you ask me (I'm rather introspective and critique myself, often!) We are lucky enough to have never experienced the following:

- major public meltdowns or tantrums

- insane poo explosions whilst outside the house

- any major injury or illness (Tyler's had gastro once, and has barely ever had a scratch on him)

- a mummy blow-out: where it all just gets too hard and you lose your shit... but with people watching!

Yesterday I had what I'd call a minor blowout. A curveball, if you will. The day started at 7am with me almost crying for a coffee - and pledging to my friend on the phone that without fail, I was caffeine-bound (for those of you who don't know, I don't drink coffee or tea, caffeine is like a last resort for me!) This was at 8am, and was spurred on my both the sub-4 hours of sleep I'd gotten the night before, the human-leeching my children were engaging in, and the business-glitch I was less than welcoming. But by the way the morning carried on - where one sub-optimal seemed to follow another and another - by the time I finally got my revered coffee, it was midday... and by then, I felt like death warmed up.

In true avalanche style, the rest of the day seemed to go down the shithole as well... Kids falling asleep in the car at opportune moments, resulting in me ever so patiently sitting in a car-park wasting away the time, daring not to wake them (if there's one thing you never do with clock-work children, it's wake them! A disturbance to their regimented slumber is like the end of the earth to a routine child) so the quick trip to the mechanic's became an exercise of military proportions - I found myself off guard. The children were overdue feeds. And nappy changes. God, even I hadn't eaten for the day! And to make matters worse, as courteous as it was of the auto-shop to offer me a courtesy car to get home in, my pint sized frame rendered me unable to see above the dash, the car itself was a bit fractious, and I felt incompetent and uncomfortable to drive it.

After floods of tears in a side-street trying to figure out what to do - with babies crying right along with you - you end up having to resort to the one thing that most single mothers like myself find the hardest thing to do. Ask for help...

Sounds so simple doesn't it? Ask for help. But to what others see as a strong, determined, capable mother - asking for help is like admitting defeat. Having others see you exposed and stripped back to the bare bones of coping under pressure feels humiliating. And worse, you see people looking at you with pity. Feeling sorry for you. Feeling bad for "your situation" as if it's an ailment.

But the funny thing is about asking for help - more often than not, when you ask for help, that's what you get. My needs were accommodated simply by asking. A place to change and feed the babies, a way to get home safely, and somewhere for me to dry my eyes, splash water on my face, and pick myself up again and get on with things.

This is one lesson I still need to learn, and a trait I still need to embrace. Being able to say "Can you please help me?" without feeling like it's a bad thing, or that it makes me any less of a mother. Or person. The pity that you think you sense may actually, infact, be admiration. That you did well enough to come that far as you did. No-one punishes you for asking for help, if anything sometimes they'll congratulate you for it, knowing it's not an easy thing to do...

If you're carrying too much more than you can handle on your own, choose to let some of it go by letting someone else in. You may feel weak, or vulnerable, but at the end of the day - it's a nicer feeling for everyone if permission is granted to depend on someone else. Plus the person doing the helping often gets as much from doing so as you do from receiving their help.

'Til next time, peace out :) x

Unfun Lurgie-ness...

Being sick is never fun... for anyone. Being sick when you're a single mum to a couple of kids - rather unpleasant. I'm not playing the "oh woe is me card"... I'm just saying as a plain and simple fact... being a single parent, whilst sick, versus being a coupled parent (or even moreso - just being a coupled person, no kids... or even just a "single person" who could be sick, on my own, in silence!) was always much easier...

At least when I was in a partnership, the light side of being sick was someone fetching you tissues, and making you boiled eggs and soldier toast... and saying your voice sounded cute when your nose was all bunged up (where words like "gloves" become "glubs"... and "love" becomes "lub"... and phrases like "I lub my glubs" are ever-so-endearing to someone!!) and stroking your hair til you fell asleep, watching re-runs of "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" ("The One With Rachel's Sister", of course, you know... the one where Monica is ridiculously sick, and begs Chandler to get it on despite being full of sick & yuck?? Mandatory sick day viewing..!)

With kids, when you're sick, on the other hand... you seem to be wearing a bill-board that screams "Come jump on me! I'm a human trampoline! Play with me! Stick things in my nose! Get into my things! Cover the bathroom with make-up! Make lots and lots of noise for me!" (moreso than normal, even...)

And of course, when you're trying to take care of yourself to make yourself feel better - the toddler sees your eggs and wants some too (after turning his nose up at his own at lunch time - why is mum's food always "better"??)... or you can't take the medicine the pharmacist recommended because it makes you so whacked out of your skull you're rendered unable to parent... Or the moment you make them happy, comfortable and safe, and shut your eyes for "just 5 minutes..." you open them again to find your living room is now a disaster zone...

Oh if I had a million dollars... The hired help would be here, bringing me breakfast on pretty silver trays and mopping my febrile brow with a cool wash-cloth... Instead I have the 2 year old bringing me a "new boogie, Mama" on the end of a finger and the 7 month old dribbling on my face as she headbutts me...

If you are well today - enjoy it! I personally cannot wait to feel human again!

As always, peace out <3