"If Horses Were Wishes..."

My mum always had a funny little saying... 

"If horses were wishes, then beggars would ride..."

Slightly pessimistic, really... and always made me feel like it were almost not permissible to be allowed to make "wishes"... But nevertheless, I make wishes. Often. I wish on fallen eyelashes. And shooting stars. Wishbones. Etc.

I was sat thinking about my wishes today, and really, they're not even that grandiose. They're pretty reasonable wishes. Not greedy. Not too over the top...

So I thought I'd write a wish list...! Now these are non-generalistic, rather "selfish" wishes. Yes of COURSE I wish there wasn't war and starvation and the like... but I'm keeping things personal...

1) I wish I had a suspended bed. You know, like hanging from rope or something from the ceiling... the idea of sleeping without anything underneath you I find strangely appealing. And there's some very pretty ones I've seen out there on the net...

2) I wish the housework was SO much easier... and didn't accumulate so quickly. I'd even go so far as to say "I wish I could afford a cleaner"... I used to have a cleaner, once... It was always so nice coming home to find the mundane stuff done for me. Though these days, with two toddlers, it'd almost prove futile...

3) I wish I lived in a place I actually truly love. I don't like where I live presently. I've seldom lived anywhere that I felt I really loved living. Except perhaps Scotland. Scotland was awesome. And, furthermore, I wish I had a home I loved... my own home. That I could decorate however I wanted.

4) I wish I could budge the last of this weight a lot easier. Having IR & PCOS, makes it really tough... Tougher than for the average non-IR/PCOS person. It's pretty sucky. I wish I didn't have IR/PCOS. I wish I didn't have to take insulin, 'cos it makes me feel shitty... I'd love to be a size 10-12 by my 30th birthday. And I do try... but I still don't have it underwraps. It makes me feel shitty. I've only got about 9-12 more kilos to go before I exceed my initial goal weight. I know it's attainable, but, at the moment, it feels like it'll never happen... And even then, I'd still like to lose another 5-10 beyond that. *sigh*

5) I wish holidays were easier to take more often. I haven't been on a genuine "holiday" as in "going away to a destination, of my choice, for no other reason other than to leisurely enjoy myself and do the relaxing/touristy thing" since October 2008... And even then it was still too short-lived a trip for my liking. And now with two toddlers in toe, the idea of a genuine "holiday" seems an aeon away!

6) I wish I had more family close by... Proximal to me is only my mum and my stepdad, then me and my kids... I rarely get to see extended family, let alone spend time with them... I wish there were more of us, in the one place... We seldom get those occasions/gatherings where there's a whole big happy family atmosphere... People seldom come to visit us because we're not close by... We're not the most close-knit family. Which is kinda sucky...

7) I wish I had more time to do more "just for fun" things... At the moment I'm in that rut of not even being able to keep up with the "day to day" things, let alone have any time for hobbies or "fun stuff". Most of my "spare" time is my evenings, when babies are in bed... which basically confides me to the house. And by the time I decide to "do" something with my "me time", I'm too buggered to bring out the art stuff or the sewing machine anyway...

8) I wish people didn't lie. I've discovered new lies, recently, and it always pains me to think at a time you thought you were giving and receiving truth synchronously, you were actually being deceived. That's a sinking feeling in your guts you can't "unfeel". Being lied to is fucked... Regardless of who by... Even moreso when you care about the person who has lied to you...

9) I wish "exs" completely evaporated once you go your separate ways. Your mind never thinks of them again, they don't crop up in the queue at the shops when you're dressed in your trackies with no make-up, they never cross your mind again, and leave you the heck alone. Same goes for partner's exs. Exs suck. Big time...

10) I wish I had the child-free time and energy to clear out a whole heap of stuff from my house that I really don't need anymore. But it has always, and still does, felt like an impossible, unbearable task. Piles of clothes the kids have outgrown... general shit and stuff we don't need anymore... I promise myself routinely I'll get onto it but then once I start, the task seems so overwhelming I throw my hands in the air and say "Fuck it!" And it never gets dealt with... 

So there you go... a mildly self-indulgent wish-a-thon... Some of the things on my list are of course, and probably will of course, eventuate one day... others, probably not... But sometimes it's nice to put it out there... gives the Universe a chance to hear your order ;)

Until next time - I'm looking over a four-leafed clover...

Suzy xx

The Birthday Story For TYLER (Part 3)

Once upon a time there were two little children named Tyler and Maya. They were bright and happy children who lived amongst the angels in heaven. They were very happy there. They admired the beautiful colors in heaven and enjoyed listening to the beautiful music there, and that was where they belonged...

But one day the clouds parted in heaven and both Tyler and Maya caught a glimpse of the beautiful green earth below with all the people happily playing and working and they suddenly longed ever so much to go there and see what it was like. They saw all the rainbow colors of the earth. They saw butterflies visiting flowers and birds flying in the air, trees swaying in the breeze and leaves falling to the ground. They seemed to be beckoning the children. They saw fish swimming in the sea and all the different plants that covered the earth. They saw other children climbing trees, running, playing, skipping about and jumping in the meadows and walking through sand and leaves. It was all so beautiful!

Tyler said to his guardian angel: "Please, may I go down to earth?" But his angel looked at him and said: "No Tyler, it is too soon. You and Maya must wait a little while yet." So the children remained in heaven and were happy, and soon forgot all about the earth.

Then one day again Tyler alone saw a glimpse of the earth through the clouds again. He saw people working and enjoying their lives, and mothers and fathers, grandparents, uncles and aunts with the children of Earth. He saw beaches and forests, mountains and islands, and on one of these islands he saw a beautiful mother with love and longing in her heart for a child, and he asked his angel: "Please. May I go to her?"

The angel said: "You must go through the land of dreams, first."

The next night the little child had a dream. In it he dreamed that he went to the mother and she held out her arms and said: "Please come and be my child. I will love you with all my heart and keep you from harm down here on Earth."

The little boy went to the angel and told him the dream. The angel said: "Tyler, It is now time for you to go. Maya will stay here, but she will join you in a while. The mother you have found you will give you and Maya all the love and guidance you will need in your life on Earth."

Tyler said he understood that Maya would have to wait in heaven until later. He hugged her and assured her he would see her again, and then he said to the angel: "I am ready. May I go now?"

That night Tyler went to sleep into dreamland and while ten moons waxed and waned he rocked in a little boat upon the sea. At the end of ten moons' time. a beautiful rainbow bridge stretched from the heaven to earth and upon reaching it Tyler took the form of a tiny baby.

From this bridge he slid from heaven to earth into his mother's arms.

She looked in awe at this new life and said "I shall call him Tyler... For that is the perfect name for him". And with that, Tyler received his first earthly gift - his name...

In Tyler's first moments on earth, he growled like a little old-fashioned teddy bear. His face was screwed up and he peacefully lay in his new mother's arms, and nothing had prepared her for the love she would feel when he first opened his eyes to look into hers.

In his first year, Tyler grew and grew. He was small but thrived. At 4 months he rolled over, at 6 months he crawled, at 7 months he got his first two teeth, and by 8 months he was walking along whilst holding onto the furniture. His first words were "Jack-Jack" - the name of his favourite toy bunny and he soon learnt even more new words such as "Mama" and "Flower" and "Star" and "Moon".

He started trying new foods and drinks, loved other children, and played with lots of toys. He loved being outdoors - touching plants, listening to the birds and the rain and discovering "nature".

Then before him and his mother knew it, he had turned 1 year old.

In the next year, Tyler grew more and more! He was soon walking so well that before long, he was running! He learnt so many new words and became interested in new things. He had developed a strong affinity with nature in his time so far on earth and admired the trees, the leaves, the flowers and the creatures he found on earth. It was in this year that he called out to Maya and insisted that she come and join him from heaven!

And so Tyler became a big brother in this year. He loved his little sister and showed her such delicate affection, she loved him back too and was glad that Tyler had called out to her to come to earth with him.

It was not too long after Maya arrived from heaven that Tyler turned 2!

The next year began for Tyler and MY what a year it was...! With Maya by his side, he continued to grow and learn... His bond with his little sister was obvious - he cared for her so deeply from the moment he met her. He was always looking out for her and continued to love her ever so much. He also helped mummy an awful lot, being her little helper to look after Maya aswell. He started to show that he liked "responsibility" - asking to help prepare dinner with Mummy... or help put away toys, or load the washing machine.

He started to show his definite "likes" and "dislikes" throughout this year... He became highly into automobiles and machinery... His favourite vehicles being "tractors" and "backhoes"! He went to the Field Days with his mummy, Maya and Pa... and got to see a LOT of tractors there...! Of all different sizes...

He still to this day absolutely LOVES tractors - and has even had the chance to drive one ALL on his OWN! He was so proud of himself the day he did that... 

His fascination with nature became even stronger. He started hugging trees, and collecting "special things" from the garden, or on walks... He was fascinated by interesting looking rocks, or feathers, and would collect them and keep them in a special place. He definitely showed how much of an "outdoors boy" he was throughout his third year!

Tyler also hit some fantastic milestones in his third year! He improved his speech dramatically and can now use lengthy sentences and chitter-chatters happily all the time. He learnt how to do many more things on his own - he can get himself dressed and undressed (with a little help from his mummy...) He also learnt how to do the more "tricky" things on the play equipment. He became very daring, and fearless, and determined to do anything he set his mind to....

He even said "Good Bye!" to his DUMMY this year. Tyler was such a GOOD big boy when he let his favourite "dun dun" go away... He let it go fly off into the sky with some help of some helium balloons, waved good bye to it, and never asked for one again. What a grown up boy he has become!

And so, 3 candles will be lit to celebrate the day that Tyler came to meet his mummy and bring her all the love and joy she needed, and so she would have a beautiful little boy to love in return...! 

(This is my son's "Rainbow Bridge Birthday Story" - it is based on a Waldorf philosophy of telling the children a story about themselves, and their creation, in honour of their birthday. Each year an additional paragraph about the child is added to follow the previous years, and a candle is lit at the end of each year's paragraph - year by year, a candle at a time... A simplified version can be found in "Beyond the Rainbow Bridge", a book by Barbara J. Patterson and Pamela Bradley. The story found in this book can be adapted to create an individual story to tell specifically to your children about themselves with personal detail. Please don't copy or redistribute this one for yourself - if you wish to create one a basic outline of one can be found at: http://herbnites.tripod.com/waldorfinspiredschool/id12.html )

Play Time...!

This post might sound rather opinionated or righteous. But, I feel I'm passionate about what I'm saying. So here goes...!

Captain Tyler aboard the "S.S. Fluffy-Pants" (he named it, naturally!)

Whilst pretending to participate in a "mum's group" conversation (I never really get into the whole 'Mother's Meeting' shebang) - we were discussing "play time"...c

In our house - I'm pretty proactive in having engaging, active "playtime". Playtime to me isn't "chuck the kids infront of the telly" or "pour out the lego"... I was kind of disappointed to hear how limited and uninvolved a lot of the other mums were with their kids when it came to playing... Lots of them said "they just watch TV"... Or they play in their room... Sure, there are times where we let the kids occupy themselves for the sake of getting the washing done, or doing the dishes, or having a shower... But play time should be scintillating. It should be developing their imagination, their coordination, their ideals and values... It should be of benefit to the children, encouraging them to grow and learn...

Telly is probably my least favourite kids' activity... I'm pretty restrictive as to what they do and don't watch, and consistent on when they can watch... In our house... The telly is on during breakfast. It then goes off after breakfast, and we do whatever we need to do that day (shops or whatever). Then when we return home, the telly stays off, and it's time to "play". We get involved. We do "things". We spend time together and 9/10, the kids play happily because they are engaged, focussed on and having fun... The telly then doesn't come back on until after "nap time" (when they wake up, around 3:30pm).

I think why it disappoints me to hear that most of the other mothers weren't so involved was because to me - orchestrating an effective "playtime" isn't hard. Nor does it have to be expensive. Or messy... Messy IS good sometimes, though... But very simple ideas can be transformed into really fun play activities... So I guess it peeved me when I shared some of my own ideas and was told "that's too hard/takes too long/is too complicated"...

Some of the fun "playtime" things we've done include:
- Building a cardboard box boat and turning the kitchen into an ocean scene (as per the pic)
- Burying dinosaurs in the sandpit, and pretending to be explorers digging for dinosaur bones
- Treasure hunting for nature items (find a leaf... find a flower... find a small rock... find a big stick... find something yellow... find a feather... etc.)
- Tactile play (boiling spaghetti in food colouring and putting big bowls of coloured dyed spaghetti out on the back lawn and letting them squish and play with it... or mixing food dye with shaving foam to make foamy paints)
- Pudding Painting (making up instant pudding mix in different flavours, paper up on the art easel and letting the kids paint with the pudding... this is a good one for when they're really little because it doesn't matter if they eat their "paint").
- Water and food colouring in different levels in glass bottles, to tap with the end of a wooden spoon to make our own music
- Gluing crayons to a blank canvas in rainbow order, then melting the crayons so they run down the canvas, making a spectacular melty rainbow picture
- Other "easy" stuff like potting seeds together to grow flowers... or potato print painting... or making soap crayons for in the bath together... or good old macaroni necklaces... making daisy chains... making dolly beds/rocking cradles out of old shoe boxes and spare fabric... "painting the house" with a bucket of water and a paint brush... Wrapping up a couple of their toys in about 5 layers of wrapping paper and taking turns to unwrap layers... etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum!

I think the crux of playtime is that it's not just for the kids... Parents need to get in there, and get involved, too. They need to give guidance to their kids to keep them on task, and try and give their children some fascinating new knowledge along the way. Kids are stimulated by the smallest of miracles. The look on a 2 year old's face when a bottle of water turns from clear, to red, to purple, is priceless. The joy of a 1 year old running her fingers through cold spaghetti without reprimand is precious, also...

Get in there and have FUN with your kids if you don't already... Because they're not little for long... and some of these moments become the foundations of their most favourite childhood memories as adults. I myself remember being fascinated at learning how to wood burn (with supervision from Dad of course) using a piece of timber and a magnifying glass... And dad explaining how the lens could amplify the tiny packets of electromagnetic energy in the light to create fire by concentrating the photons in the light... Something that's always stuck with me and I'll never forget... Same as learning how light travels faster than sound... and "tricks" you could do with certain flowers in the garden (like making a swan from a certain type of purple flower that grew on a bush in our garden... or making snap-dragons chitter-chatter to each other...) So many fantastic memories I have of "learning" as a child came from the most basic, simple, one on one activities I engaged in with my parents...

Until next time - peace, love and "have fun cleaning up the glitter spills"!
Suzy xx

Introducing "Mr. Suzy" :)

Well I said there'd been quite a few developments... one of them being = Suzy is all shacked up with a man! We'll dub him "Mr. Suzy" for all blog-intended purposes...!

So I've blogged about dating and my perspectives on dating as a single parent... I've had my doubts about my capacity to allow a person "in to our team"... I've been hesitant after a few pretty rough experiences with some not-so-well-intended types and thus wasn't expecting to get what I've got now...

I've also hypothesised about the fact I've often felt like having 2 different kids, to 2 different dads, kinda left me in the "slim pickings" section of the dating game...  As it turns out, it's actually served to my own advantage instead... Because the fact he loves everything about me, my babies, and the whole kit and kaboodle means I know I have someone who is being perfectly genuine and true to us all, not just "me"...

I feel immensely lucky... Because I've found a man who loves me entirely for who I am and what comes with me. He loves my babies oh so much. He thinks I have a beautiful mind and loves that I'm switched on and witty... He loves my kooks and my funny little intricacies...

I'm in a place now where I feel like I can't believe I spent time in relationships that didn't feel like this all along. And it all came completely out of the blue. Hit me like a lightning bolt. Completely like a lightning bolt... I had been telling myself (perhaps trying to convince myself) that I didn't have the time or capacity to allow someone into my life. Well, our lives. The kids too. I didn't want to run risk of complicating my babies pretty little heads... Or waste time spending time with anyone who wasn't going to be "the real deal" and end up torturously putting them through a "temporary" relationship with a bitter ending...

However with Mr. Suzy, I feel perfectly safe. Safe for my own heart. Safe for my babies. Safe that everything is "meant to be".

So three cheers for Miss Suzy... and welcome to "our team", Mr. Suzy...! I'm sure he'll gain mention in many a future Suzy Blog, so until next time -


Peace, Love and Jelly-Beans...

Suzy xxx