Sure I'll fetch your slippers...!

OK sooooo... I know I already posted something tonight... BUT... another discussion I just had with some folks over on another platform had me thinking about another blog post I've been meaning to write. So here goes!

Whilst the meaning behind "Not So Suzy" name-wise is the whole "I'm not so great at being Suzy Homemaker" concept - it doesn't necessarily reflect my beliefs, nor attitudes, towards house-life, roles, etc.

We were just flogging it out between us as to whether men or women should do the cooking/housework...

Now this may come as a surprise, particularly as I have expressed before how I struggle to keep on top of things - but - I actually prefer the whole traditional gender-role dynamic in a relationship. I think the only reason I struggle with it at present is because EVERYTHING is left up to me... However... when it comes down to the nitty gritty in a relationship, I prefer to do the "woman" stuff and the male to do the "man" stuff...

I have a few ideas as to why this may be. And it's not limited just to chores and duties, either. It's inclusive of my attitudes towards the type of dynamic I prefer in a relationship overall. I prefer the man to be the one who "wears the pants" so to speak... I like a guy that has the guts to put his foot down to me... I like a guy who likes to be in "charge"... My reasoning/logic behind this being that, because for soooooo long (after leaving home at a young age) and especially amplified since having the kids, I've HAD to be the one who does everything. Not to mention that certain relationships I had to "drive" them - I had to mother the overly-sensitive, "softer" types and "look after them" whilst being in charge of every single state of affairs to do with our home/social/financial lives...

So for me, I think, having a traditional dynamic in a relationship allows me to scooch over to the passenger seat for a while. It means I can let someone else take the wheel, put on the brakes when necessary, rather than forcing me to drive and, no doubt, end up running us into a ditch out of sheer frustration or boredom!

Now don't get me wrong - I don't imply that EVERYONE should be like this, or share a similar attitude. I just say "this is what I prefer and what works for ME"... (However it should be noted that in SOME cases, there was too much of an imbalance, but that's for "another time"! LOL)

What I dislike immmmmmmensely is when a woman might not share the same opinion, and then try to tell ME that I am "less of a woman" for wanting a dynamic as such... When I'm here saying "I'm all for whatever floats your boat, as far as dynamics are concerned, but for me this is my preference..." I'm not telling them it's wrong if they don't want to be as "traditional" as I might like... I'm not saying people who do the "50/50 equality" thing are wrong either... Noone is WRONG. The whole point of a successful relationship is being in one which the dynamic suits both parties and is how they prefer it to be... If I was a "lazy bitch who likes to be waited on hand and foot by a pussy-whipped milk-fed gimp" someone would probably have negative views on THAT too... It's almost as if you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, CHOOSE to seek the dynamic YOU want...

I don't bitch on the way anyone else prefers THEIR relationships run, or their dynamic preferences. I say "Live and Let Live" and hope that I find happiness in the dynamic I choose myself one day.

Until next time - dinner's on the table and your work clothes are hanging behind the bedroom door!!! :P

Suzy xx

Buddha won't cut me some slack.... so I'd best get my own scissors....!

Urghhh...

Tonight as I cracked some eggs I had a "fuck this shit" moment..You know those moments where you can be doing something completely mundane, and all of a sudden a whirlwind of deep and meaningful thought, and realisation, and reflection can suddenly come upon you? And before you know it, you've burnt the shit out of your eggs and the smoke alarm is bleeping it's tits off? And you find yourself saying "Fuck this shit!" as you scrape the waste into the bin...

What realisation I had in that moment was the fact I'm STILL repeating the SAME mistakes and SAME patterns and SAME sick cycles I have been forever and a day now... And EVERY time I get out of one situation where things have turned out just like the previous one, I tell myself, my friends, the WORLD - things will be DIFFERENT next time!! Things will be on MY TERMS! I'm in control and I'm the mistress of my OWN destiny and I will take charge and NOOOOOOOOONE will stop ME!

And then a few weeks or months later I again find myself doing similar shit... and I turn a blind eye to the alarm bells. Again. And I start making internal justifications or excuses, even, for my actions... And then for the actions of other people. And then again for my own actions for feeling like I must have brought the other person's actions on myself (IMPOSSIBLE you say?? I "know" this... but when I find myself in these circumstances, boy can I convince myself of nearly anything...)

And then weeks, or months, or in some cases, even YEARS will pass... and I've just done the same shit. Just in a different bucket...

Whiiiiiiiiiiich.... in turn.... "Da da da daaaaaaaa!" = leaves me finding myself, once again, questioning my OWN integrity, the one true value I hold with higher esteem above ANYTHING else, and would like to think I can expect to find in OTHERS...... yet clearly I forget to CONTINUE living with integrity, myself, once I've "broken" out of these cycles again... because integrity goes out the window, surely, once I accept choosing to participate in the same cycle again. Right??

So I'm not going to boldly profess: "This time I'll do it RIGHT!" Because I've said that before. And I've been wrong...

Instead... I'm going to question myself: "Why?"
Why do I allow myself to start up a cycle I didn't like the first, second, and subsequent times round?
Is it because I've become used to them? Feel comfortable with them? They're all I've known and therefore have little faith or belief that I even could do things differently, or escape from these shitty cycles? Do I believe I'm not WORTHY of anything BUT these kind of cycles? And if so, why not? Why shouldn't I deserve to only be living how I want to live, with integrity, doing only what satisfies me COMPLETELY and exactly how I want to be, not making exceptions or accommodating other people before myself, or diverting off the "new path" I plan out EVERY single time I leave one "chapter" of a cycle behind...?

When I start feeling like this... I of course, think about Buddhism, and all the "You repeat the same lessons until you either get it right, or die..." theorem. I don't want to die before I've mastered these lessons.

So when I find myself thinking like THIS....... I know it's time to start consider using a life coach again! Thus I've found myself a new life coach (after falling madly in love with my previous one - on an intellectual, platonic level) and am about to embark on a new course of coaching... Am hoping I'll finally be able to develop a better sense of sticking to my guns and determination, rather than letting it all fall by the wayside as I have in the past. Time to regain some focus, prioritising, self-determination and self-worth...!

In the meantime...... I've gotta go figure out a substitute for dinner...

'Til next time.... Give peas a chance <3
:P

For Sale: One Parrot

In general... I love most people. But I hate gossip. People gossip... that just comes part of people being "people"... Luckily MOST of the people I call "friends" actually don't gossip... maybe that is why they're my friends...

People who do love gossip on the otherhand? Strangers... Or friends of friends. People who have never even met you... They feed on heresay... Drooling over the anticipation of the "juice" they're about to hear, despite that they don't even know the person it is about. They create a character that is "you" in their minds... and, furthermore, because they don't know you - and because you're not there to correct the person verbalising the gossip - they believe everything their acquaintance has to say about you.

One of my favourite adages from dear Buddha is this:

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

Recent events have led to me being the topic of other people's gossip... And as aforementioned, I'm not able to defend myself to the people who's ears are receiving such... The thing that makes me feel "okay" with the fact I'm being gossiped about? My own sense and knowing of my integrity... That I know I'm a person who places integrity above ALL else... And not only that, but that I am at peace with my own actions. I know that, despite everything I've been through this year thus far, my actions have always been congruent with my own values and beliefs. Sure, at times, I may have acted in a way others would not. At times, I may have been "at fault"... 

But I'm conscious of this. I take responsibility for my own actions and mine alone... I don't pass the buck. Cast blame on anyone else. Deny what's true or lie to cover anything up... Because, given that I expect integrity from everyone else I interact with - I must ensure I myself am living up to that standard of integrity myself. I could sell my parrot to the town gossip, and live in no fear or shame of anything I've done over the last 6 months...

In my opinion - being eager to hear other people's gossip is just as bad as being a gossip itself...  And the thing people seldom choose to remember at the time they're receiving new "news" - given that they're wrapped up in the excitement and the drama - is that more often than not the things people have to say, especially when being said in malice, are as fake as the people saying it...

I made a pact to myself the day I discovered the true meaning of integrity that I'd never let a lie fall from my lips... I've kept my word to myself, and therefore I sleep soundly at night. Knowing I possess such a virtue... And I have no intention of changing my ways anytime soon. To do so would be not being true to myself, the person I want to be, the values I choose to hold, the beliefs I possess and the self-worth I've managed to resuscitate... And I will be rejecting anyone who does not reciprocate. There will always be people gooing themselves over rumors... They just won't be my friends, acquaintances, lovers, etc.. and thus, if the people who talk about me aren't any of those -  I won't know and won't care :)

And you know what they say anyway.... Haters gonna hate... Potatoes gonna Tate... :P

Peace over-and-out :) x

I'm Bringin' Suzy Back! :))))

I'm regretful to confess. I did that thing that some Bloggers do sometimes...

I got all busy wrapped up in "another person" and life being busy and manic, sometimes enjoying myself, most of the time - not so much - that, the Blog that I loved and cared and nurtured OH so much was cast by the wayside... To steal a quote from Fight Club:

"Loved it intensely... then tossed it... like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam! It's on the side of the road... "


I dislike, immensely, the fact that I cast my blog by the wayside. Moreso even than the circumstances that led to my shoving it aside. It was like I put a part of myself to one side. Which pains me. I'm an "integrity person". Being the blogger that I was is a part of me. A part of my having integrity. I feel like I cheated myself by not keeping it going... Particularly given that, in retrospect, I not only had a LOT to be blogging about, but that it might have taken some attention away from all the chaos and turmoil that was clogging up my life and mind...

SO! Forgive me... I'm BRINGING SUZY BACK!!!!

I won't make my first returning post a long one. I won't go into detail of what WAS consuming me for all that time. I'll just leave you with my word, that, my motivation to write and share has returned... and most likely, stronger than it even was before. After all, no matter WHAT I go through, I always get through, and I always... ALWAYS... come through the other side stronger...

Until next time... peace in, out, in out, shake it all about.... :) x