Play Time...!

This post might sound rather opinionated or righteous. But, I feel I'm passionate about what I'm saying. So here goes...!

Captain Tyler aboard the "S.S. Fluffy-Pants" (he named it, naturally!)

Whilst pretending to participate in a "mum's group" conversation (I never really get into the whole 'Mother's Meeting' shebang) - we were discussing "play time"...c

In our house - I'm pretty proactive in having engaging, active "playtime". Playtime to me isn't "chuck the kids infront of the telly" or "pour out the lego"... I was kind of disappointed to hear how limited and uninvolved a lot of the other mums were with their kids when it came to playing... Lots of them said "they just watch TV"... Or they play in their room... Sure, there are times where we let the kids occupy themselves for the sake of getting the washing done, or doing the dishes, or having a shower... But play time should be scintillating. It should be developing their imagination, their coordination, their ideals and values... It should be of benefit to the children, encouraging them to grow and learn...

Telly is probably my least favourite kids' activity... I'm pretty restrictive as to what they do and don't watch, and consistent on when they can watch... In our house... The telly is on during breakfast. It then goes off after breakfast, and we do whatever we need to do that day (shops or whatever). Then when we return home, the telly stays off, and it's time to "play". We get involved. We do "things". We spend time together and 9/10, the kids play happily because they are engaged, focussed on and having fun... The telly then doesn't come back on until after "nap time" (when they wake up, around 3:30pm).

I think why it disappoints me to hear that most of the other mothers weren't so involved was because to me - orchestrating an effective "playtime" isn't hard. Nor does it have to be expensive. Or messy... Messy IS good sometimes, though... But very simple ideas can be transformed into really fun play activities... So I guess it peeved me when I shared some of my own ideas and was told "that's too hard/takes too long/is too complicated"...

Some of the fun "playtime" things we've done include:
- Building a cardboard box boat and turning the kitchen into an ocean scene (as per the pic)
- Burying dinosaurs in the sandpit, and pretending to be explorers digging for dinosaur bones
- Treasure hunting for nature items (find a leaf... find a flower... find a small rock... find a big stick... find something yellow... find a feather... etc.)
- Tactile play (boiling spaghetti in food colouring and putting big bowls of coloured dyed spaghetti out on the back lawn and letting them squish and play with it... or mixing food dye with shaving foam to make foamy paints)
- Pudding Painting (making up instant pudding mix in different flavours, paper up on the art easel and letting the kids paint with the pudding... this is a good one for when they're really little because it doesn't matter if they eat their "paint").
- Water and food colouring in different levels in glass bottles, to tap with the end of a wooden spoon to make our own music
- Gluing crayons to a blank canvas in rainbow order, then melting the crayons so they run down the canvas, making a spectacular melty rainbow picture
- Other "easy" stuff like potting seeds together to grow flowers... or potato print painting... or making soap crayons for in the bath together... or good old macaroni necklaces... making daisy chains... making dolly beds/rocking cradles out of old shoe boxes and spare fabric... "painting the house" with a bucket of water and a paint brush... Wrapping up a couple of their toys in about 5 layers of wrapping paper and taking turns to unwrap layers... etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum!

I think the crux of playtime is that it's not just for the kids... Parents need to get in there, and get involved, too. They need to give guidance to their kids to keep them on task, and try and give their children some fascinating new knowledge along the way. Kids are stimulated by the smallest of miracles. The look on a 2 year old's face when a bottle of water turns from clear, to red, to purple, is priceless. The joy of a 1 year old running her fingers through cold spaghetti without reprimand is precious, also...

Get in there and have FUN with your kids if you don't already... Because they're not little for long... and some of these moments become the foundations of their most favourite childhood memories as adults. I myself remember being fascinated at learning how to wood burn (with supervision from Dad of course) using a piece of timber and a magnifying glass... And dad explaining how the lens could amplify the tiny packets of electromagnetic energy in the light to create fire by concentrating the photons in the light... Something that's always stuck with me and I'll never forget... Same as learning how light travels faster than sound... and "tricks" you could do with certain flowers in the garden (like making a swan from a certain type of purple flower that grew on a bush in our garden... or making snap-dragons chitter-chatter to each other...) So many fantastic memories I have of "learning" as a child came from the most basic, simple, one on one activities I engaged in with my parents...

Until next time - peace, love and "have fun cleaning up the glitter spills"!
Suzy xx

Introducing "Mr. Suzy" :)

Well I said there'd been quite a few developments... one of them being = Suzy is all shacked up with a man! We'll dub him "Mr. Suzy" for all blog-intended purposes...!

So I've blogged about dating and my perspectives on dating as a single parent... I've had my doubts about my capacity to allow a person "in to our team"... I've been hesitant after a few pretty rough experiences with some not-so-well-intended types and thus wasn't expecting to get what I've got now...

I've also hypothesised about the fact I've often felt like having 2 different kids, to 2 different dads, kinda left me in the "slim pickings" section of the dating game...  As it turns out, it's actually served to my own advantage instead... Because the fact he loves everything about me, my babies, and the whole kit and kaboodle means I know I have someone who is being perfectly genuine and true to us all, not just "me"...

I feel immensely lucky... Because I've found a man who loves me entirely for who I am and what comes with me. He loves my babies oh so much. He thinks I have a beautiful mind and loves that I'm switched on and witty... He loves my kooks and my funny little intricacies...

I'm in a place now where I feel like I can't believe I spent time in relationships that didn't feel like this all along. And it all came completely out of the blue. Hit me like a lightning bolt. Completely like a lightning bolt... I had been telling myself (perhaps trying to convince myself) that I didn't have the time or capacity to allow someone into my life. Well, our lives. The kids too. I didn't want to run risk of complicating my babies pretty little heads... Or waste time spending time with anyone who wasn't going to be "the real deal" and end up torturously putting them through a "temporary" relationship with a bitter ending...

However with Mr. Suzy, I feel perfectly safe. Safe for my own heart. Safe for my babies. Safe that everything is "meant to be".

So three cheers for Miss Suzy... and welcome to "our team", Mr. Suzy...! I'm sure he'll gain mention in many a future Suzy Blog, so until next time -


Peace, Love and Jelly-Beans...

Suzy xxx

"Slightly Suzy"...

Wow... Over a year has past. Suzy's growing up! Whoever would have thought I'd have maintained dedication and interest for this long? Let alone continue to find the time to blog... That in itself must say something... I do love writing my blog, sharing my thoughts and stories and opinions. And I appreciate I still have a receptive audience. So thank you, followers new and old, whom are cheering Suzy on! :)

I feel like I almost need to do myself a "report card"... To demonstrate how things have progressed over the last 12 months. We've endured quite a cornucopia of lifely delights over the past 12 months. If I did write myself a report card? I'd probably give myself an A+ for effort, and a B+ for results :)

We've moved house TWICE... We've celebrated both girl child's and boy child's birthdays, adding a chapter to their "Rainbow Bridge" stories... Not to mention I made the epic achievement of turning "my favourite number" this year... I personally have come in leaps and bounds when it comes to self-enlightenment, learning lessons in granting myself permission to do more for myself. I've fed my little heirachy of needs that dear old Maslow made understandable for me... I had a stab at dating again finally, after having the babies (some outcomes fantastic, some.... not so much!)  and - after sorting a new job, a new path of study, new hobbies, etc. I've finally got myself into a position where I feel like I have a gorgeous sense of balance and self-fulfillment. \

All in all - I feel like "Suzy" has come a long way... So much so even I'd go so far as to say I have outdone my official title of "Not So Suzy" and could potentially adopt the new moniker of "Somewhat Suzy" :) I have a far better grip on things these days. The house is of course still chaotic at times, however in comparison to where we began 12-odd months ago, I'm content with my home. It feels like home... Nowhere in a LONG time has felt like "home". I'm more than happy with my job, my plans to study, my long-term ambitions and desires, and - most importantly - I feel as though I've mastered the art of truly living with integrity! (She says that word a lot, doesn't she??)

Finally I can look at myself as a whole person and say:

"I live in such a way that my actions are congruent to my values, attitudes and beliefs".

I'm doing what I love. What I enjoy. I love my babies, and the little people they have become... They're beautiful, lovely children which - previously - I always thought was "luck of the draw"... Whereas now I realise... My children are a testament to myself. I can be a very proud mummy for the children I have... given especially that SO much of the way they are is because of the influence I have on them as a mother. How special does that make me feel? Indescribably special... And immeasurably proud.

So where does Suzy go from here? Ahhh if I told you THAT, you'd have nothing to look forward to in future posts... All I can say is:

- Do have baited breath...
- Do look forward to the AMAZING happenings that will be going on between now and Suzy's next "birthday'...
- Do expect a tonne more lessons to be learnt, and
- Do expect the unexpected...

:)

Until next time... help yourself to a generous finger of frosting off my cake :)

Suzy xxx

"Rabbits"...

For over a decade in my social circle, we've often referred to our children as "rabbits"... Rabbits have big ears... They are good for listening with...

A status my friend posted this morning (on F***book) reminded me of the susceptibility our children have to picking up on the language we, television, society, etc. uses and taking it upon themselves to practice exercising it's usage.

The development of a child's language and vocabulary essentially develops through mimicking and repetitive behaviours. As I discussed in my Father's Day inspired post last year, babies brains are wired to have increased frontal and temporal lobe activity recordings when adjacent repetitive sounds are heard - hence why we probably do the whole "dum-dum", "bot-bot", "bub-bub-bub" stuff when they're really little... This is on a very basic and obvious level...

But then that got me thinking. What about, as they get older, and their ability to mimick and repeat increases, their language develops more strongly... what about the more "detailed" forms of repetitiveness they are exposed to. For example, the repetitiveness of the attitudes, and values, and opinions their little rabbit ears are listening to.

A prime example. Mother hears a piece of juicy gossip. Mother's on the phone to friend one, giving her the goss whilst the kids are sat on the floor playing happily... Later that they, mother runs into friend two at the shops... The story is relayed on to that friend, also... Over dinner that night, Mother divulges all the details to friend three whilst the kids throw their fish fingers at each other... In this kind of a scenario, the kids have been exposed to the same basic principles of language development, but on a higher level. They've heard a "story" in a repeated fashion, possibly enough times that a certain level of retention of that tale, and furthermore the potential to repeat the accounts verbally themselves...

More importantly, the same goes for the words we choose to direct AT our children in a repetitive fashion... Personally, I've always stuck to the pacts I made to myself to never name-call, shout, put-down or disparage... And nothing pains me more than hearing another parent do the opposite with their own... I always feel sorry to hear a child being put-down. Even if the parent thinks it's relatively harmless...

Of course when you walk into a room to find your son has smashed your favourite vase, somewhere in your brain lurks an intention to scoff a remark like "You STUPID boy!"... But tell your son he's stupid enough times, he's going to retain that vocabulary and use it not only to label himself, but also others... Jokingly remark that your kids are being "insane", "nutcases", "ferals" and the like and they'll form their own neurological bridges to those adjectives, too... Even something as little as saying one sibling is annoying the other sibling... Verbalise that, and the siblings will take it upon themselves to learn to say the same about each other...

Basically what I am saying is - those little human beings we are given are OH so precious and OH so receptive to what's being said around them... I know even myself could do with a greater sense of awareness when it comes to such... My babies are growing up. They're not completely oblivious to the words they hear around them anymore. 

I'm proud, however, that the words they DO hear MOST often around here are along the lines of "I love you... with all my heart"... "Thank you for what you just did"... and "I'm proud of you for that"... And such is also reflected in my children. They didn't become polite, well-spoken little individuals on their own accord... However I do promise myself I'll be making a more contentious effort to respect the fact that there are "rabbits" in the room before I blast off on the phone or gossip over coffee in future... 

Until next time - peace, love and bacon for breakfast :)

Suzy xxxa 

The scales are finally settling :)

Happy Days, Not So Suzy-Enthusiasts!!!

For the first time in a while I'm writing a post that isn't ranty or negative... :)

SO a LOT has been going on in the Suzy-household... I've started a new part-time job, 3 days a week... In a field that I LOVE, doing work I thoroughly enjoy, with a fantastic small team of people... The kids are enjoying their daycare immensely... The financial benefits go without saying... and I've finally allowed myself something I hadn't been doing since the arrival of my babies... Giving myself PERMISSION (remember the immense issues I had with permission a fair while back?? And that was all over having "a" beer...??) to do more for ME.... On a fitness level (I'm back into hockey again, and loving it) and on a social level (I'm playing poker regularly... and meeting some fantastic people, having great nights along the way...) Not to mention I've also allowed myself permission to seek afterhours care outwith family members, in order to allow myself to have this "me" time...  Even better is the fact that my social interaction is becoming increasingly more about actual "in person" socialising, rather than relying on platforms like F***book to fulfil my social-driven needs... I feel like I have "A LIFE" again!

All in all, I think Mr.Maslow would be rather proud of me right now... I have attained the long-coveted "balancing act" I thought for so long would be IMPOSSIBLE being a mother to two young babies... I feel like the entirety of my heirachy of "needs" is being met... and thus I'm feeling immensely fulfilled and happy with the way things are running...

Of course I don't want to get ahead of myself... Needs and their being met are very fluid concepts... one small change and "Bam!" you can drop a few tiers on the needs pyramid... But I just like that for probably for the first time since having the babies, I'm in "this" place, a place I thought would be near impossible to get to... Such a contrast to not too long ago, where everything felt too unbalanced and there was too much stress, and drama... And that in itself is DEFINITELY worth CELEBRATING!!! :)

I think as well it makes me feel proud of myself. That I got here basically on my own, making my own choices, using my own self-determination, choosing only to be in situations which match my integrity and values. It shown me that attaining the balance actually CAN be done...

Now if only I could kick it up a notch on the "keeping on top of housework" debarcle (I've actually been REALLY good over the past couple of months, though still occasionally have days where it slides...!) I think I could become an "Oh so Suzy" instead of a "Not so Suzy" :) (I did buy a new mop today... if that counts!!)

Until next time - Heiwa-gai!!!!!!! :)  x

Sure I'll fetch your slippers...!

OK sooooo... I know I already posted something tonight... BUT... another discussion I just had with some folks over on another platform had me thinking about another blog post I've been meaning to write. So here goes!

Whilst the meaning behind "Not So Suzy" name-wise is the whole "I'm not so great at being Suzy Homemaker" concept - it doesn't necessarily reflect my beliefs, nor attitudes, towards house-life, roles, etc.

We were just flogging it out between us as to whether men or women should do the cooking/housework...

Now this may come as a surprise, particularly as I have expressed before how I struggle to keep on top of things - but - I actually prefer the whole traditional gender-role dynamic in a relationship. I think the only reason I struggle with it at present is because EVERYTHING is left up to me... However... when it comes down to the nitty gritty in a relationship, I prefer to do the "woman" stuff and the male to do the "man" stuff...

I have a few ideas as to why this may be. And it's not limited just to chores and duties, either. It's inclusive of my attitudes towards the type of dynamic I prefer in a relationship overall. I prefer the man to be the one who "wears the pants" so to speak... I like a guy that has the guts to put his foot down to me... I like a guy who likes to be in "charge"... My reasoning/logic behind this being that, because for soooooo long (after leaving home at a young age) and especially amplified since having the kids, I've HAD to be the one who does everything. Not to mention that certain relationships I had to "drive" them - I had to mother the overly-sensitive, "softer" types and "look after them" whilst being in charge of every single state of affairs to do with our home/social/financial lives...

So for me, I think, having a traditional dynamic in a relationship allows me to scooch over to the passenger seat for a while. It means I can let someone else take the wheel, put on the brakes when necessary, rather than forcing me to drive and, no doubt, end up running us into a ditch out of sheer frustration or boredom!

Now don't get me wrong - I don't imply that EVERYONE should be like this, or share a similar attitude. I just say "this is what I prefer and what works for ME"... (However it should be noted that in SOME cases, there was too much of an imbalance, but that's for "another time"! LOL)

What I dislike immmmmmmensely is when a woman might not share the same opinion, and then try to tell ME that I am "less of a woman" for wanting a dynamic as such... When I'm here saying "I'm all for whatever floats your boat, as far as dynamics are concerned, but for me this is my preference..." I'm not telling them it's wrong if they don't want to be as "traditional" as I might like... I'm not saying people who do the "50/50 equality" thing are wrong either... Noone is WRONG. The whole point of a successful relationship is being in one which the dynamic suits both parties and is how they prefer it to be... If I was a "lazy bitch who likes to be waited on hand and foot by a pussy-whipped milk-fed gimp" someone would probably have negative views on THAT too... It's almost as if you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, CHOOSE to seek the dynamic YOU want...

I don't bitch on the way anyone else prefers THEIR relationships run, or their dynamic preferences. I say "Live and Let Live" and hope that I find happiness in the dynamic I choose myself one day.

Until next time - dinner's on the table and your work clothes are hanging behind the bedroom door!!! :P

Suzy xx

Buddha won't cut me some slack.... so I'd best get my own scissors....!

Urghhh...

Tonight as I cracked some eggs I had a "fuck this shit" moment..You know those moments where you can be doing something completely mundane, and all of a sudden a whirlwind of deep and meaningful thought, and realisation, and reflection can suddenly come upon you? And before you know it, you've burnt the shit out of your eggs and the smoke alarm is bleeping it's tits off? And you find yourself saying "Fuck this shit!" as you scrape the waste into the bin...

What realisation I had in that moment was the fact I'm STILL repeating the SAME mistakes and SAME patterns and SAME sick cycles I have been forever and a day now... And EVERY time I get out of one situation where things have turned out just like the previous one, I tell myself, my friends, the WORLD - things will be DIFFERENT next time!! Things will be on MY TERMS! I'm in control and I'm the mistress of my OWN destiny and I will take charge and NOOOOOOOOONE will stop ME!

And then a few weeks or months later I again find myself doing similar shit... and I turn a blind eye to the alarm bells. Again. And I start making internal justifications or excuses, even, for my actions... And then for the actions of other people. And then again for my own actions for feeling like I must have brought the other person's actions on myself (IMPOSSIBLE you say?? I "know" this... but when I find myself in these circumstances, boy can I convince myself of nearly anything...)

And then weeks, or months, or in some cases, even YEARS will pass... and I've just done the same shit. Just in a different bucket...

Whiiiiiiiiiiich.... in turn.... "Da da da daaaaaaaa!" = leaves me finding myself, once again, questioning my OWN integrity, the one true value I hold with higher esteem above ANYTHING else, and would like to think I can expect to find in OTHERS...... yet clearly I forget to CONTINUE living with integrity, myself, once I've "broken" out of these cycles again... because integrity goes out the window, surely, once I accept choosing to participate in the same cycle again. Right??

So I'm not going to boldly profess: "This time I'll do it RIGHT!" Because I've said that before. And I've been wrong...

Instead... I'm going to question myself: "Why?"
Why do I allow myself to start up a cycle I didn't like the first, second, and subsequent times round?
Is it because I've become used to them? Feel comfortable with them? They're all I've known and therefore have little faith or belief that I even could do things differently, or escape from these shitty cycles? Do I believe I'm not WORTHY of anything BUT these kind of cycles? And if so, why not? Why shouldn't I deserve to only be living how I want to live, with integrity, doing only what satisfies me COMPLETELY and exactly how I want to be, not making exceptions or accommodating other people before myself, or diverting off the "new path" I plan out EVERY single time I leave one "chapter" of a cycle behind...?

When I start feeling like this... I of course, think about Buddhism, and all the "You repeat the same lessons until you either get it right, or die..." theorem. I don't want to die before I've mastered these lessons.

So when I find myself thinking like THIS....... I know it's time to start consider using a life coach again! Thus I've found myself a new life coach (after falling madly in love with my previous one - on an intellectual, platonic level) and am about to embark on a new course of coaching... Am hoping I'll finally be able to develop a better sense of sticking to my guns and determination, rather than letting it all fall by the wayside as I have in the past. Time to regain some focus, prioritising, self-determination and self-worth...!

In the meantime...... I've gotta go figure out a substitute for dinner...

'Til next time.... Give peas a chance <3
:P