Child: No Instructions Included - Try Not to F*** it Up!

Some days (well, more often than not, some nights), as I'm sure many parents all around the planet do, I lose sleep over worrying for my children.

I have these precious gifts - so vulnerable and malleable - and I worry that I might (excuse the obscenity) f*** them up... Deep in the night is when my self-doubt sometimes kicks in. Whilst I know well and truly that all their basic needs are being met, I worry that sometimes I might unintentionally hurt them (not in a physical sense - in an emotional sense).

I worry that on busy days, they may sometimes feel rejected. I worry about them one day being angry at me for being their only parent. I worry about what vibes and messages and behaviours I am giving out to them when I'm having a shit, shit day - that they could be hurt by a tense tone in my voice or a shorter level of patience than normal.

I worry also about what I'm going to make of our lives - where I'm going to take us, what kind of a life we will lead, what people we will have around us, what they'll gain from each of these factors and whether or not they will be 'happy'... and thus grow up to become good people.

It is in the still of night whilst they are both sleeping soundly that, when I am feeling insecure like this, I want to scoop them up and just hold them. I wish I could promise them the world will always be kind, that they'll never hurt, and that everything will always be ok - even though I know myself that isn't true. There will be shit times ahead. We will have arguments when they're older. They probably will tell me they hate me at some stage for some reason or another!

Though no matter how hard I am sometimes finding it in keeping it all together, there are three things I promise myself I do not do:

1. I never name-call. I don't use put-downs with my children. If they are being naughty, yes, I'll point out the negative behaviour (ie. "That was naughty!") - but I refuse to belittle my children by calling them stupid, dumb, etc. and definitely don't call them any names...
2. I never scream at them. I'll occasionally call out to Tyler across the room to get down from that bookcase, or leave the bloody phone alone, but I do not scream or bellow at them.
3. I never cry infront of them. Even as tiny babies, if I needed to cry I would leave the room to cry. I can't bring myself to let my children see me cry. Not because I see it as a sign of weakness - I need to cry sometimes and that's perfectly normal and perfectly okay! But because that instinct inside me is always there to protect my children from seeing it, from seeing me hurt (and thus commences the cycle then of nights like this - I have a shit day, without being able to cry about it, then finally the kids are asleep, I cry, then I worry, lose sleep, get tired, and set myself up for a shit day again the next day!)

Sometimes when you're doing it on your own, you find it hard to muster up the faith in yourself that you are doing a good job. When you don't have someone reinforcing their admiration of all the stuff you do well, you can get hung up on the stuff you don't do so well.

So my advice / purpose for sharing this: if you know another parent who you think could do with being reminded of the fact they are doing a good job for their kids, let them know (I'm not fishing for compliments here - I do not mean me!) Point out to a hard-working mother or father that you admire their efforts, that they're doing a great job... because it may have been a while since someone told them, and it could be just what they're needing to hear, and might be just that little thing they need to help them get through that day (or sleep that night!)